Why couples therapy?
Couples therapy can help in finding ways to break cycles of tension and conflict and to explore possibilities for building connection, restoring aliveness and cultivating intimacy.
Each relationship will have its own story to tell – from the initial attractions, sharing and intimacy to the disappointments, misunderstandings and ruptures in trust that may have occurred along the way. Partners in a long-term relationship are often able to evoke powerful feelings in each other, something that can fuel the potency and passion, but at times may also result in confusion and conflict. It’s not unusual for the ups and downs of life to take its toll and it can be hard to find the time and energy to nurture relationships in the way they deserve. Some couples will seek support for their relationship because they feel stuck and are struggling to find a way forward, whilst others may be looking to build on what they have, a sort of relationship ‘keep fit’.
Establishing a safe and respectful therapeutic space is a cornerstone of couples therapy; this doesn’t mean that the process won’t at times feel challenging – there’s no magic wand and exploring the reactive behaviours and underlying emotions that contribute to conflict and disconnect are an important part of the work.
How individuals relate to others, particularly in longer-term intimate relationships, is also influenced by a broader background. We learn ways of being in relationship from our earliest experiences -our parents, wider family, culture, education, friendships will have shaped the way we relate to others – our expectations, ways of coping and protecting ourselves, how we communicate and attempt to get our relational needs met.
Paying attention to both the problems and the strengths of the relationship is part of the couple-work process; along with identifying and exploring repetitive negative cycles of interaction and the communication styles, emotions and behaviours that contribute towards maintaining unhelpful patterns.
What will I need to do in couples therapy?
There are no particular requirements in order to engage in couples therapy, other than a sense of curiosity – curiosity about what’s happening within yourself, within your partner and between the two of you. There’s no simple ‘fix’ or ‘switch’ that will sort things out, but the process can support you in what might prove to be a rich journey of discovery.